A Reflection on 2024

We’ve come to the end of 2024. We wrapped up our most difficult placement at the beginning of the year. I’m not sure exactly what made it so difficult, perhaps it was the time I had a high fever and the kids snuck downstairs and coated the basement (and themselves) in acrylic paint. Maybe it was the constant quibbling at just the right high-pitched frequency to pierce our ears and give me a permanent Pavlovian response to their nickname for me, Mama Mia, at that particular cadence and decibel to make my skin crawl. Whatever the reason, it took a long time to recover from the chaos of those few months. My oldest’s mental health took a huge hit, and I started breaking out in stress-induced hives. Maybe God knew we needed a breather, and we didn’t have a placement for 11 months out of the year after that.

2024 was a year of growth. I didn’t ask for that, nor did I want it, but the Lord pushed us off the deep end anyway. I learned to advocate for my kids and to be tough when it came to protecting their well-being. I learned friendship is a force of its own. You can’t chase people, and friendship won’t blossom with everyone you meet, even if you’re both open to it. The older I get, the busier life becomes. There’s not always time for forging close friendships with every awesome person you meet, so the encounters you do share are the relationship.

As a youth, I remember certain middle-aged women being so intentional and present in every conversation, even if we only shared a handful in the course of our entire relationship. They weren’t waiting for the slow arch of small talk to lead to beading BFF bracelets and braiding each other’s hair. Each encounter was treated as the singularly most riveting thing they’d ever heard because they knew. They knew they were only working with those moments, and they made them count. This year, I’ve grown closer with some friends. Some have decided to move on, and with others, I’ve smiled across the room, internally tipped my hat, and thoroughly enjoyed the shared encounter without my usual second-guessing and self-deprecation. I’ve come to peace with the ebb and flow of life’s seasons, and part of that is friendship. As long as you’re not a huge jerk, a large component of friendship is out of our control. We’re not doing anything wrong, as a younger me would assume. Life is just busy.

The last 2024 life lesson had to do with stress. The kids we had the longest went to permanency and ended a 7-year question of whether or not we’d eventually be reunited. I wrestled with it finally ending without us becoming a family, but after a while, a burden lifted. We weren’t in limbo anymore. For the first time in the better part of a decade, the worry and not knowing simmering on the back burner was done. A decision we hoped might go differently was still a decision. The parts of myself that I put on hold, waiting, were freed. It wasn’t until that decision was made that I saw the effects stress caused on my physical health and overall well-being.

I like New Year’s Resolutions. I love the idea of resetting and getting back on track. I want 2025 to be the year I manage my stress. It’s not enough to tell myself not to stress. I need to swap it out to trick my body to let go of it. I bought myself a pair of rollerskates a couple of weeks ago. I’m terrible at it, but they’re so pretty, exactly what I wanted. I have dreams of cruising around my basement and spinning around to some sick jams in the sticky summer sun. My friends and I used to rollerskate every week on Christian skate night until our local rink went out of business. Later in high school, my dad and I would rollerblade the only paved country road within miles of our house. I love those memories. Nothing seems quite as carefree to me.

Of course, I also need to refocus on the God stuff. I plan to meditate on His Word more, and let it become the undercurrent of my thoughts. I don’t know if this is sacrilegious, but I’ve long thought of mighty King David as kind of whiny. So naturally, I’ll start with the Psalms to change my perspective a little.

We are welcoming a child back into our home this year. We’ve had a long break and considered not renewing our foster license. Our renewal date is only a few weeks away, so God swooped in at the final hour for us to stay open. I’m excited to see where He leads.

Happy New Year, everyone. May it bring peace and contentment to you and your families.