Foster Parent’s Take on Abortion

Last week, on the 46th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, New York passed new legislation allowing late-term abortion and protecting access to abortions even if Roe v. Wade is overturned.  The legislation came as a shock to many.  I certainly watched in disbelief as the One World Trade Center was lit in pink to “celebrate” this “historic victory.”

Everywhere you turn, it seems the nation is divided on the issue.  Pro-lifers were rallying in Albany last week alongside pro-choice picketers.  Meme wars are raging on Facebook and Twitter.  Petitions are being signed in order to receive a direct response from the White House. We’re at a moral and political standstill.

In all the back and forth, I’ve noticed an argument start to form that pro-lifers should only be allowed an opinion if they’re also taking care of children who are already here.  I’ve scrolled past questions such as, “Want abortion outlawed?  How many unwanted children will you foster or adopt?” and memes like this:

Or this:

Alright, so according to these, I supposedly have a right to an opinion.  We currently have two beautiful foster babies.  I look at them, and heck yes I have an opinion on abortion.

As a foster parent, you witness very desperate family situations: households living in abject poverty, parents who have no clue how to raise their children because they’ve grown up with horrendous models themselves, infants who are already on an uphill battle experiencing months of withdrawal symptoms, neglect, or abuse, and the list goes on and on.  Foster parents witness some of the worst of the worst.  We are surrounded by brokenness and traumatized children.

Sometimes it’s hard to even relate to other parents because our parenting experiences are so vastly different.  We can sit around the table in our mom group and share one highlight and one thing we struggled with that week, but I’m not going to be 100% honest because we’re just not dealing with the same struggles, and there’s nothing that you can say or do other than to toss me your pity.  We may both be up all night with a newborn, but mine can’t sleep due to withdrawals, is screaming out of discomfort and pain, and body is writhing every few minutes from tremors.

Despite being born disadvantaged and experiencing trauma at a very early age, I look at my two beautiful foster babies.  I cannot imagine a world without them in it.  They have so much to offer.  They are fighters.  They are worthy of life and love.  They were born into an uphill battle, but being born disadvantaged isn’t a justification for abortion.

These kids may struggle.  They may face obstacles they should never be exposed to.  We can’t guarantee an easy journey by choosing life for them.  But we need to continue to do so.  These kids can overcome the circumstances they were born into.  There is hope for them.  There is hope for their families.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a foster parent, it’s that these kids are worth it… always.

They are worth it despite the trauma, the scary diagnoses, the mile-long intake form of all the things that have gone wrong so far.  They are worth it despite the heartbreak, the uncertainty, the inconvenience, or the pain.  We simply cannot determine a child’s worth by the circumstances of their birth.  We can’t cut it short because we see that mile-long list of cons.  We don’t have the right to say someone’s life isn’t worth living because it may be difficult.

I’ve seen the children who could have easily been aborted due to inconvenience, money, not being ready for children, or any of the other reasons women list as to why they’ve considered abortion.  Those children are worth it.  They are worthy of life.

I wish I could give you a glimpse into my world.  I would show you a little boy with a smile that can light up a room, a magnetic smile that draws strangers to his side every single time we’re out and about.  He exudes joy like no other person I have ever met.  It’s contagious.  Seeing his little face peeking over the top of his crib every morning fills me with a strange sense of purpose and has me beaming even before I’ve had my coffee (and that’s really saying something).

This tiny bundle of pure joy would have definitely been a prime candidate for abortion on any pro-choicer’s list.  Suffice it to say, there were a lot of cons.  There was a lot working against him.  And oh, I so wish you could just see him now.  He is worth it.  He is so, so worth it.

You know, I do wish more people were intimately acquainted with foster care.  Because if you were, if you fell in love with any of these kids, it would change your entire perspective.  It wouldn’t be a question of whether or not we should choose life.  The only question left would be how we can be more supportive of women who are struggling with raising children.