Us vs. Them

Throughout the past year that our foster daughter has been with us, I’ve wrestled with my relationship with God.  I don’t question the truth of Christianity, but I have doubted whether or not God is going to show up in any real way in my life.  Moreover, I’ve wondered if He’s going to show up in any real way in the lives of my foster children.

If reunited, will they suffer?  Will they spend the rest of their childhood trying to meet basic needs and never flourishing?  Will they feel abandoned by God and come to hate Him?  In a cosmic sense, thinking of these children as eternal beings, why wouldn’t God intervene to give them the best chance at a good life and a childhood where they’d know God’s love?  If that’s the goal of this life, wouldn’t He work to give us an opportunity to know Him?

I can endure trials and hardships, but it’s never seemed fair for God to put the kids through so many hard things when we’re here as a safe option.  We’re standing right here with open arms ready to love them and never let go.  The very thought of the kids hurting and God not intervening to keep them from re-entering a difficult environment has filled me with so much spiritual angst.  What do I do with this concern that’s been festering within me for the past year?  Where are God’s goodness and protection in this situation?  

As we’re being hit with the very real, very sudden possibility of reunification, I was in the car praying for an answer to all these questions and worries swirling in my head.  It was then that I realized I’ve been thinking of this equation all wrong.  Whether I’ve been fully aware of it or not, I’ve been viewing the situation as “us vs. them.”

In an “us vs. them” scenario, we would come out on top if we’re looking at who the children have a closer bond with.  In an “us vs. them” scenario, we’d win out in the stability category.  Come to think of it, we’d be in the lead on several key factors that contribute to providing a healthy, stable home to raise children.  But that’s not what this is.  It isn’t “us vs. them.”  It never has been.  It’s just them.

They are the parents.  They are God’s original plan for this family.  These people, redeemed and getting it right, are the ideal.  God doesn’t see a better version of a family out there, bypass grace and second chances, and immediately tear the kids away.  If He did that, my son might be with some missionary family in China at this very moment.  There will always be someone more spiritual, more capable, less sinful.

Right now God is dealing with these parents for as long as they’re willing to accept second chances and act in the best interests of the kids.  Right now there is no “us” being considered.  Right now they are the only option.  They are God’s first choice of who should be parenting the kids, and I have to believe He truly desires them to step up and hopes for their success.

It’s all about them and their opportunity to restore and rebuild their family.  Adjusting my perspective has helped me come to terms with a reunification that may not be as perfect as a life with us could be because the comparison is irrelevant.  I have to understand God’s heart for this family and continue to pray, hope, love, support, and let go.