I remember the day my husband proposed. We had been dating long distance, and he had just given up being with his family and moved across country with nothing to his name but a suitcase and an eagerness to work in exchange for being closer to me.
I suspected he was going to pop the question later that evening, so the hours leading up to the biggest question of my life were spent in prayer. I had Misty Edwards’ song “I am Yours” on repeat, and my prayer was simply giving my life, my heart, my future over to God.
I was 21. I had just finished my junior year of college. I had absolutely no idea what my future held. Everything after college was a huge question mark. I knew I’d graduate with a teaching degree, but I didn’t have any job prospects, and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to teach in the traditional sense. At that point, I was considering using that teaching license to pave the way for overseas missions or maybe working at a non-profit or after school program. I was one year from graduating college, and after that one year, I could be anywhere doing pretty much anything. Not only were the circumstances of my future uncertain, but I didn’t know who God wanted me to become.
I could not see further than the next year of my life, but I was hours away from making a binding, lifelong commitment, a commitment that would extend well beyond what I could see of my future. In the fog that covered my future, I had to trust that God could see the bigger picture of my life and my yes to the man kneeling in front of me that day was His ultimate yes for His plan for me.
Still I’m here to say
“I am Yours!”
“I am Yours!”
A year later I walked down the aisle to that song. It signified the joining of my marriage to God’s will. Even though I didn’t know what was in store, I was committing our relationship then, and forever, to the Lord.
I didn’t receive any more insight into what I was suppose to do with my life on the day I committed til death do us part. All we knew as we exchanged rings was that we would spend the next several months in South America. Beyond that, there were no job prospects, no house to call home, no clarity aside from the very commitment of marriage.
And I payed my vows
No turning around
I burned the bridges
They can’t be found
I come back to that song now when I still can’t see past what today holds. I get frustrated that there aren’t any guarantees in foster care, and all our futures seem shaky and unclear. And yet, I remember that this isn’t new. So many times in my life, I’ve had to take this journey one day at a time and just trust God with my life, heart, and my future. The Lord has enough work to do with me in the here and now to be worrying about tomorrow.
In those times when I can’t see the hope of day coming, I recommit my heart to the one who was and is and is to come.
It’s been a long night
And I am weary
It’s been a long time
And I am hungry
So I wait in the stillness again
And I wait in the quiet again
In the middle of the night
My heart it yearns… for you
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2